Here they are. The Final 4.

The Big Ones.

The hardest lessons of all.

These represent where I am now. The in-between space of better than I was but not where I want to be in life AND in my Quilting.

I look at work produced by award-winning quilters and think, “I will NEVER be that good!”

I spend hours frustrated over what I’ve achieved vs what was in my head.

I give up without even starting because I don’t want to be disappointed in having it turn out poorly.

(Should I be lying down on a couch while typing this?)

I have to remind myself of these 4 lessons every time I step up to my machine.

1.Break Bad Habits

Break bad habits BEFORE they become a natural response.

Ouch!

I box myself into a tight space because I’m not paying attention, I swirl left instead of right, or I rush because I’m anxious to move on.

I also eat Peanut M&M’s until my tummy hurts. (Did I overshare?)

I tend to talk myself through my bad habits in quilting. (And occasionally before I eat the WHOLE bag of Peanut M&M’s)

If you walk upstairs to my studio you may hear me saying,  “Squiggle squiggle, squiggle THEN swirl” or “Echo, Echo, down and around”.

It’s like I’m calling out my own Square Dancing moves. (Did you have square dancing in school for PE? That was my FAVORITE!!)

I haven’t tried it in the candy aisle of the grocery store, though.

2. Try Something New

When I started quilting, I had no idea how many “rules” there were.

When people look at my “Deployment quilt” they say, “You did THIS for your first quilt?”

I didn’t KNOW about sewing with a consistent quarter-inch or pressing vs ironing the blocks. (The Quilt Police would have had a field day with me!)

Yada Yada Yada and Blah Blah Blah.

I saw it, loved it, wanted to make it, and did it.

Did I do it well???

Probably not.

Do I care?

Definitely NOT!

Every time I see that quilt I remember sitting at the dining room table sewing the pieces together. I remember spending a whole evening folding and refolding fabric squares to figure out what in the HECK a Prairie Point was. (Back in MY day there was no Googling it).

If I was advising someone on what to make for their first project I would say, “Find something you Love and Go for it!”

Who cares if you do it “right”.

The Kid recently took up Rowing. (Guess how hard it is for me NOT to sing “floating down the Delaware chewing on his underwear”)

His coach said something that struck me.

He said, “Everyone is terrible the first time they go out. When the kids come back they’ll say- That was terrible. I never want to do that again- OR- That was terrible BUT when can we do that again.”

I’m going to be terrible at things. The difference is whether I want to do it again AFTER being terrible.

That brings me to Number 3.

3. Be OK with Imperfection

No?

Me neither…shall we move on?

It PAINS me when I mess up. Especially if I “know better.” I need to get better at this. Not only in my quilting but in my life.

I extend MUCH more grace, forgiveness, and understanding to other people than I give to myself.

Maybe I should lay down…or is it lie down??( Oh boy…THAT’S  going to bother me!)

Moving on…

The last L.A.L.L. (LongArm Life Lesson) I am learning is…

4. Seek Wisdom

I wouldn’t know my quilting is better when I loosen my grip, how to choose a design based on it’s intended purpose, or find new things to try without learning from quilters that have more experience.

It seems the older I get, the more help I need.

Do you remember when you knew it all?

Sharing great places for diaper deals, breastfeeding tips, and having The Great Pacifier Debate.

(Best invention ever OR will it ruin your child and their children…and even their children’s children?)

Now that I’m older and The Kid DID survive a pacifier (and all God’s people said AMEN!) finding community has become a challenge.

Is it because those of us with teenagers are curled up in our bathrooms murmuring, “It’s gonna be ok…They WILL become human soon…Dear Jesus let this be true!!” and moms on the other side of it are still talking things through with their therapist?

Where are my Peeps???

I need to know I’ll make it through Driver’s Ed, Geometry, ACT testing, curfew, phone privileges, “Don’t take that tone with me Mister”, ask your father, do you need money,” I can’t read your mind, Mom”, what’s for dinner, what’s for dessert, what can I have for a snack even though its midnight life.

(Yup…definitely should be laying/lying down on the couch for THIS blog post!)

Matthew 6:33 (ESV)

But seek first the Kingdom of God, and HIS righteousness; and all these things will be added to you.

This is the lesson I need to learn the most.

What Life Lessons are you learning?

Deciding is the hardest part.

What will I make for dinner?

What will I binge-watch on Netflix next?

Do I get up or hit snooze?

Can throwing on lipgloss make me look “casual chic” instead of “just rolled out of bed”?

When it comes to quilting, there are three things I like to keep in mind before I get started.

1. What is the intended purpose?

Is the quilt for a baby?

Will it be hung on the wall, used on a bed, or as an heirloom piece that’s enjoyed for generations?

The answers help me decide how much time, planning, and energy should go into the quilting.

A baby quilt will get snuggled, dragged around, chewed on, and will need frequent washing. (So it doesn’t become a bio-hazard.)

The stitches need to secure the layers, be uniform and attractive, but the main point is to get it done so the baby can enjoy it.

If the quilt is an heirloom piece, more time, planning, and thoughtfulness will go into it.

I will take careful consideration and pay special attention to details.

I will sketch out ideas, craft a plan, and make sure the quilting enhances the design and highlights the piecing.

 I get messed up when I put things in the wrong category.

I put more effort into a “baby quilt” relationship or experience than necessary.

I spend hours going over what was said or worrying if they liked me.

I obsess over what will happen, who will be there, what I should wear, do I look fat, should I pluck my eyebrows, is there enough time to enter the witness protection program? (Then it goes into a whole different level of obsession…What would my name be? Where would I live? Could I fake an accent other than Minnesota?)

Too much effort for the intended interaction.

Hear me on this:

I don’t mean people aren’t worth time, consideration and care.

We just have interactions that shouldn’t take all of our emotional energy.

On the other hand, I can treat people I DO care about like a baby quilt instead of an heirloom.

When I have the “check it off the list and get it sent” attitude, I’m not giving the relationship the value it deserves.

Do I treat people I love with care?

Do I consider what is best for them?

Does interaction with me highlight the best of them?

2. Recognize the problem areas.

Be aware of these before-hand.

Look the top over, measure it, and take note of possible tricky spots. Check for seams that don’t match up, mis-shaped blocks, or excess fabric in the borders.

When I don’t take time for this step, I can be halfway through the quilt before I see the problem. Then it’s either too late to fix it or I’ll need to spend hours ripping out the work I’ve done.

There are situations I have to mentally prepare for.

Here’s a great example:

I do NOT enjoy flying. It requires a tremendous amount of physical, emotional, and mental energy for me to overcome my fear.

I become consumed with anxiety to the point that I don’t know if I’ll be physically able to fly.

If I take steps to prepare, I’m better at handling it.

If I wait or try to ignore it, the problem only gets worse.

It could be an upcoming event, a tricky conversation with a loved one, or a hostile PTA meeting. (When you homeschool like I do, arguing can get out of control. I tend Not to listen to myself!)

If you are able to recognize that there are “problem areas” (that one cousin that always says something inappropriate) you can better equip yourself to handle it.

3. Planning vs. reality

Sometimes I know the intended purpose, recognize the problem areas, make a plan, and it still Hits The Fan!

Picture this:

I’m quilting away, got my headphones on, working my plan, zooming to the beat of my drum… and then WHAM!

A needle breaks, the thread shreds, a giant pucker appears, the batting is too short, or I realize I’ve sewn my apron to the quilt. (Yes…This is my life!)

CrapTown USA!

At this point I have 2 choices.

1. Have a giant hissy fit
2. Fix it

Even though I love a good old-fashioned stomp my feet, stick out my lower lip, slam a door or two…(or 10) it doesn’t solve anything!

Thread breaks or short batting are annoying, but easy to fix.

Don’t let little things steal your joy!

What if it’s not as simple as that?

What if a needle break disrupts the machine’s ability to work or the pucker on the quilt top is so severe that it cannot be quilted out?

This is when it gets hard.

I cannot control every aspect of my day.

A phone call stops you in you tracks, turn on the news and your heart aches for what’s happening around the world or someone you love is going through something that you cannot fix.

I WANT to fix things.

I WANT to have all the answers.

The Serenity Prayer is a favorite of mine. It’s commonly used in 12 Step Recovery programs but was originally authored in the 1930’s by Reinhold Niebuhr.

God grant me the Serenity

To accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Winnifred Wygal was a student of Reinhold Niebuhr and wrote this in her diary:

“Reinhold Niebuhr says that moral will plus imagination are the two elements of which faith is compounded. The Victorious man in the day of crisis is the man who has the serenity to accept what he cannot help and the courage to change what must be altered.” – Winnifred Wygal (from her book titled We Plan our own Worship Services)

I want this printed on my forehead!

(The problem is I wouldn’t be able to read it unless I looked in the mirror. But it would be backwards, right???)

Heirloom thinking to a baby quilt problem!

I want to be a person that is Victorious on days of crisis and have the courage to change what must be altered;even if it is ripping out HOURS of quilting gone wrong!

What about you?

Join Me on Instagram! I’ll be sharing pics of my space, works in progress, and if I get brave enough…maybe a quick video of quilting in action!

I’ve been around.

Not in the 1950’s “certain types of girls” kind of way, but having a spouse in the military lends itself to a bit of a nomadic existence.

I’ve been a receptionist, a nanny, and a preschool teacher. I’ve travelled, lived in a foreign country, and in spite of my “Yankee” upbringing I live in the South where I get asked more about MY accent than when I lived outside the U.S.

Getting older, gaining life experience, and training myself to not give people an odd look when they ask me if I’m from Minnesota (nothing against Minnesota…but I’ve never even BEEN there) has taught me valuable life lessons.

Some of them from an unlikely place. (NOT Minnesota)

Long, Long Ago in a Galaxy far away…

I decided that while The Husband was away on a military deployment, I would mark the time by making a quilt.

The Kid was a baby that loved his afternoon nap (Thank You Jesus! I Knew I was one of your favorites) so every day I would pull out my sewing machine and stitch away.

I became obsessed with every aspect of quilting. (Except for hand stitching the binding! Curse you Spawn of Satan…you suck the life right out of me with the time you take!)

Just kidding…maybe?

One of the things I love about quilting is that “successful” piecing is all about precision. Like putting together a puzzle-all the parts need to fit together correctly to see the bigger picture.

I love precision! There’s something about doing things “correctly” that brings me joy!

Years ago I watched Martha Stewart demonstrate the “correct” way to fold towels. Now, all my towels get folded just how Martha taught me. (Seriously…don’t help unless you know the correct way! I WILL refold them!)

I can sit for hours stitching quilt pieces together, taking the time to pin, sew, and iron all the blocks accurately.

The process of quilting has gotten me through sleepless nights, comforted me in times of despair, and helped me grieve. It has been my distraction after a hard day, allowed me to give a gift in celebration of births and marriage, and helped remember loved ones who have passed away.

Quilting has become my lifeline

A few years ago I bought a LongArm Quilt machine.

Think Sewing on Steroids!

I already “knew” how to quilt. This would be the same thing but on a larger scale, right?

Having this machine would make quilting faster, easier, and let me quilt more efficiently.Quilting is my therapy and I schedule my sessions daily. Click To Tweet

More quilts in less time! (And how is the weather on your Planet, Rebecca? Sunny with Puppies and Rainbows???)

What I didn’t realize was once all the pieces are sewn together and it’s time to quilt, I had to learn a whole new set of skills that have taught me more than how to sew a quilt on a LongArm.

1. Don’t hold on too tight.

In order to quilt with ease of movement, you cannot hold the handles of your machine too tightly. If you do, your stitches become erratic and it creates a tremendous amount of strain on your arms, neck and shoulders. Once you relax your grip your stitching lines will even out, lines will become smoother, and your body will relax.

This was the very first lesson I had to learn. I thought the tighter the grip, the more control, the better the quilting would look.

Nope! Just the opposite.

If I am struggling with how my quilting looks, I ask myself, “Am I holding on too tightly?”

I can hold a grudge, an opinion, a judgement, an unachievable standard, a “correct” way too tightly. I need to loosen up MY grip, so that the way becomes smoother.(Unfortunately, my facial lines aren’t any smoother. It’s a metaphor. Not a miracle!)

2. Don’t forget to breathe.

Do you do this?

I never thought I would have to remind myself to breathe! Eat food other than candy, Yes…but breathe???

I become so focused on what I’m doing that I lose track of taking care of the basics.

Stop, take a deep breath, and then continue on.

3.  Keep your eyes on the Big Picture

When I’m piecing a quilt, it’s important to take care of details. Correct measurements, sewing precision, pinning correctly, and ironing the pieces flat are all aspects that enable the pieces to match up.

When it comes time for quilting, it’s more important to keep the big picture in mind.

Fretting over each stitch takes the focus off the bigger picture. It causes me to lose track, become frustrated with lack of progress, and get discouraged that I’m not further along.

One trick I’ve learned is to keep my eyes SLIGHTLY ahead of where I am stitching.

Instead of becoming hyper-focused on where I am, I need to focus on where I want to go.

To me, that is more than a quilting question.

What about you?

What has your hobby taught you?

Next week I will share 3 more Life lessons.

(And you might just get a peek into my crazy world of fabric-fabulousness…)

I am a big chicken!

I don’t like carnival rides, going on adventures, Trust exercises, or being DARED to do something. As a matter of fact, if you say “I dare you”, I won’t do the “dare” on purpose!

(Rebellious much?)

I sat down with my 2 chosen books and said, “Whichever one immediately gets my attention, I’ll read.”

I knew that in spite of my aversion to rides and being dared to do something, Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly  was the book for me.

On page 2 Brene Brown writes, ” Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”

Disconnection is my spirit animal!

If Disconnection was an Olympic Sport, I would be a Gold Medalist.

Crown, Sash, Princess Wave, holding dozens of roses Miss Disconnection 2016!

I eat Disconnection for breakfast.

Too far? Ok. I’ll stop now.

In my opinion, there’s a difference between Survival Mode and Disconnection.

I’ve had seasons of survival mode.

Up all night with a crying baby, no shower, (unless you count getting caught in the rain walking into Wal-Mart to buy milk and diapers) don’t answer the door for the Girl Scouts- or as I refer to them  “Angels from heaven with boxes of Samoas” because they will see how high the dirty laundry pile is.

Survival Mode is the adjustment to a new normal in the beginning and then holding back the urge to count down every minute of every day until He returns safely at the end of a deployment.

It’s doing the best you can with what little strength you have.

Disconnection is holding back a part of yourself for specific reasons.

Choosing NOT to engage.

Choosing to numb instead of be fully present in the pain or uncomfortable circumstance.

Afraid to be “too happy” or even afraid to BE afraid.

Unwilling to put yourself out there because it’s uncomfortable to open up to criticism and judgement.

As we were unpacking boxes the other day (in my completely inaccurate calculation I have unpacked 9.7 TRILLION boxes over the past 3 weeks) I came across a mysterious manilla envelope full of cards.

When I opened the first card, I realized they were cards from a time when I was fully present.

It was a scary time, I was unsure of myself, felt completely unqualified, and SCARED. (Did I mention that already?)

I was all of those things BUT said YES anyways.

There was a  little “nothing”moment that struck me so deeply that I still remember what it felt like.

It’s one of the last times I was fully connected in the world.

I was speaking to a group of military wives that met weekly for bible study.

I “did my thing” for about 30 minutes and when I finished, I walked down the center aisle, out the sanctuary doors, and right into The Kid even though he was SUPPOSED to be in his own class.

He looked up at me with his giant blue eyes and exclaimed, “Mommy! I didn’t know you could do THAT!”

It was the first time he had seen me being something OTHER than his mommy.

I wasn’t “doing” anything.

I was sharing my heart with a group of women I loved during a difficult season in our military lives.

I had no idea he was watching. (The little stinker wasn’t supposed to be there.) 

I don’t even remember WHAT I said.

It was just something I did every week.

It was a part of me.

That was 10 years ago.

10 years since I was fully present, without fear of consequence, standing in my truth.

Imperfectly but wholeheartedly.

I know what has transpired over the past 10 years to change that.

I could give you the list, but I won’t.

We all have lists of reasons why we disconnect.

Life takes an unexpected turn, disappointment creeps in, dreams aren’t brought to reality, or pain is too deep to come out from without help.

Worn out, worn down and too tired of putting yourself out there to be hurt once again.

For me, unpacking boxes has not only been a physical act of confronting all the STUFF I’ve held on to, but unpacking the emotional STUFF I’ve been carrying.

The GOOD news is I’m halfway through the book and so far there’s NO mention of having to ride a roller coaster in order to Dare Greatly!

If only I could find the box that has my  “Now What” in it!

What about you?

What does disconnection look like in your life?

Amelia Bedelia, Sweet Valley High, Nancy Drew, and the Choose Your Own Adventure series were so much fun to read as a child.

Into adulthood, Mary Higgins Clark and Danielle Steel were my favorite authors.

As a mom of a toddler, Sandra Boynton was our “go to”! THE KID wore out Moo, Baa, LaLaLa, The Going to Bed Book, and Barnyard Dance! After a while, THE KID would turn the pages and we would recite the books word for word.

Read-alouds were an integral part of our homeschooling day.

I can’t tell you how many times our whole family became captivated by a story.

Ralph Moody made us laugh hysterically and cry our FACES OFF.

THE KID still quotes from Ellen Raskin’s book The Westing Game. It’s been 4 years since we read it, but “Sit Down, Grace Windsor Wexler!” is one of his go-to phrases.

With the amount of money I’ve spent on library fines, I expect to receive a notice in the mail!

“Because of your generosity, a new wing has been added to our facility!”

Over the past few years, I have become particular about the books I read.

If I set aside the time, I want to be reading books that inspire me, teach me, or challenge me.

I won’t read something just because “Someone” chose it for a book club. (Don’t get me started on THAT!)

Best Seller list…Yeah Yeah Yeah! Ask me if I care. (I don’t)

I want to read books that make me want to write in the margins, tell my friends, and gift to people I love.

Life’s too short to read boring books!

Now that I have a blog, I get to subject share with you what I am reading. I shall call it…

Reading On Purpose!

I even started a Pinterest board I named “Read on Purpose”.  Check it out here.

Since I’m all about finding ways to craft more purpose in life, I chose two books to challenge me as I sort through my brain clutter.

It’s between Crystal Paine’s book Say Goodbye to Survival Mode  and Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly.

Two things I NEED to do!

1. Get out of survival mode

2. Learn what Daring Greatly looks like

I will admit, I’m “afraid” to read Daring Greatly!

I discovered Brene Brown in January. (Yes, I DO live under a rock!)

The Gifts of Imperfection book was recommended to me, so I googled the author and ended up watching 2 interviews Brene Brown gave. One was with Chase Jarvis called Daring Greatly to Unlock your Creativity and the other was with Jonathan Fields on The Power of Being Vulnerable. Both of these interviews/conversations touched my spirit tremendously.

On the other hand, shouldn’t I get out of Survival Mode BEFORE I Dare Greatly?

I loved participating in Crystal’s Get up Early challenge.

It was a great motivator and kept me accountable to start my mornings on purpose.

I promised myself I would choose my “Read on Purpose”  by the end of the week. (Or, I could go to the library and pick out a Choose your Own Adventure book.  If I don’t like how the book ends, I can start it all over for a different ending.)

Which book would you be drawn to reading?

Show me what YOU’RE reading over on Instagram with #readonpurpose and tagging me!

I can’t wait to see what y’all are reading.